11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
