We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
