I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
