oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
