The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize