I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
