Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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