Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
