I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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