I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
