I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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