you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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