When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
