k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
