His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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