There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
