Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
