separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
