Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
