that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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