I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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