The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
