I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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