Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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