its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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