ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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