my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
