Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
