I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
