After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
