Ambien. No doubt about it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
