As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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