I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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