I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
