By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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