you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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