Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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