why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
