I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
