my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
