She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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