turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
