god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
