You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
