Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize