Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
