he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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