He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
