about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
