Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
