just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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