I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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