getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
