party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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