I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
