i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
