Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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