Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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