She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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