1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
