just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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