is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
