Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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