It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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