Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
