Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
