he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize