you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
