I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
