SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
