It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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