you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
