Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i think my cat just said my name.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
